Orchestra

I am in orchestra at church. It's fun. If you play an instrument you should join me. Just saying.

Blogger iPad App!

It's shiny, it's new....it's the blogger iPad app!

Okay, so it's not exactly new or shiny, but I just downloaded it and this could possibly mean that I will write more entires. But don't count on it.

Well, I am off to enjoy the rest of my Saturday!

Well then.

So a lot of time has passed and I've decided to start writing again. Even if they are short entries...they are entries right?

I have the usual splitting end-of-period headache and I'm trying by best to tough it out and not take any acetaminophen.

We'll see when it comes time for sleep how long that lasts.

I am getting married in less than two months. Scary? I think so.

Amazing? I also think so.

I'm trying my best to let go of things. a lot of things. That's what getting married is all about. Letting go and letting God.

Large doses of forgiveness, patience and second chances also come with the package.

When we realize that life is too short for our stupid little hangups and grievences, we start living.

I'm ready to start living.

I have made a pact with myself this week. Starting today, whenever something bothers me or whenever I don't feel like someone is doing as they should I will first, stop and think:

a) this action or inaction is that person's doing and I cannot change it
b) it is a horrible goal to expect anything out of anyone who is currently human
c) no matter the outcome of this action, I know that God is in control and he is writing an infinite upper story of which I cannot understand
e) is my reaction toward this event or person displaying 1 Cor. 13:4-7 (love is patient, love is kind...etc.) ?
d) I cannot react this way in my own power, I need the Holy Spirit to help me.

After that, it is a matter of realizing all these things (not necessarily in sequential order) and praying for peace, wisdom, and guidance in the situation or relationship. You would be surprised at how much less daily things or people bother you.

I would have never considered myself a patient person. I am a Gen Y member, the first generation to grow up with the internet at our disposal. It's no wonder I am expecting instant gratification and smoothness in my life.

I am looking forward to tomorrow where I can tap into the power of the Holy Spirit and finally live. Life is too short to let little things bother you. Focus on God's big things and he'll take care of your little things if you trust and obey Him.

Hey Look!

It's a new post! Isn't it cute.

Nevermind my lame attempt at an attention getter. Lets get into it.

So there are three weeks left in the semester and it's kinda freaking me out a little bit. It went by so fast that I didn't even have time to contemplate how fast it went by. O.o

Also something that has been on my mind lately is where one puts their value. Sometimes I feel terrible about myself and other times I feel pretty damn good. A lot of my self-value and esteem comes from other people and I really need to change that. I need to re-define some things in my life and file them in the "less important" drawer. I should get my identity in Christ, but do I? I'd like to say and think I do, but the problem lies within the fact that I don't act like it. I should have so much confidence in Jesus that I will have confidence in myself. If He is for us, then who can be against us?

Just last night on the way back from dropping Drew at O'hare, I was listening to a sermon by a southern dude that was about how we shouldn't worry. If anyone knows me at all, you will concure that I have problems when it comes to over-worry. This sermon really hit me hard because he said that worry was a sin and a slap in the face to God. If that is true then I should join the band "Godsmack" or something.

Right after that sermon, there was another by an Irish Gentleman about being thankful for everything and loving what you have to be truly happy. These two sermons were both about things that I know and I have heard, and yet I don't act them out. That's always the struggle.

I place my value in others' definitions of who I am, and what people I respect tell me about myself. I should be acting more like Jesus and not worrying so much about my value because I have value in Him! I should also learn to be more thankful for the fact that I am valued, and not just brush that fact aside like the other wise words I've heard before but never took to heart.

Take everything that it truly important to heart, you won't be disappointed. <3

No title.

I don't have a title for this mainly because it's 12:30PM and I'm just fresh out of mojo for the day.

I miss Drew. a lot. I miss just being able to wake up and know that he is here. It's something I haven't fully learned to deal with yet, and I I don't think I ever will. I miss his patience, his easygoingness (is that a word?), and just his laugh. He has so many qualities I don't. I feel at times that I crush his spirit with my constant questioning and that I show how much of a hypocrit I am. I say that I trust God. Saying and doing are two very, very different things. If there's anything that I've learned this year, it's that you can talk the God-talk, but walking the God-walk proves to be much more of a challenge. Something about sin being in our lives....

I'm pretty frantic at times, and well, this blog entry will prove it.

I'm just really at a loss for words at God this year. I really don't know whether to jump, skip, hop, or walk into the next room. I don't know whether to burst through the door, or creep in silently. I know that whatever I do, I cannot do it in good motivation without God.

It's my senior year, and therefore I'm required to take a class called "Christian Faith". It's very eye opening at times, and I almost wish I had that class everyday. It shows me that I'm really not alone in all my questions and frustrations about God. I'm learning to simplify everything. I've been taught my whole life, processess, steps, goals, and different ways to get "there", without having any idea where "there" was supposed to be. Now that I see that sanctification and Godliness are my goals, I'm having a hard time fitting that into my "get what you want when you want" upbringing. Our whole lives we are taught to achieve. Parents regard us as assets and pour over our achievments and aspirations. (Hence the forking out of almost 30 grand per year to pay for Olivet.) and for what? So we can get the piece of paper to make more money than the other guy? So we can "be happier"?

Really, in all honesty, I don't buy it. Happiness isn't about getting what you want in life, it's about loving what you have. There's no doubt - I'm thankful that I have the financial support and the opportunity to come to place like Olivet and further my education. I'm thankful that I live in a country where I can freely worship Jesus without any fear of death. I am thankful for a lot of things. I'm just really feeling like I'm at a crossroads. I can choose to do what I want and achieve great things, or I can choose to follow God and be at his feet knowing that it demands death-to-self. Anyways...

I really don't know where I was going with this, but I know that I've been really frustrated lately and it probably because I am not doing what God wants me to do. I mean, you can be frustrated and be following God, no one said it was supposed to be comfortable...but I haven't been in the word as much as a should, and I certainly haven't been acting like it either. Curse my perfectionism.

Also something else that has been on my heart is forgiveness. I can't seem to forgive myself, and I see others who can't forgive themselves and others. I constantly tell myself "We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, everyone makes mistakes, I should be loving unconditionally to the best of my ability and not expecting anything in return..." and yet, I can't seem to suck it up and actually move on from that sentence.

A thousand and one cliches are running through my head right now. "Give it to God." "Lay it at the feet of Jesus" "You are your own worst enemy"

it's 12:45. I have chapel in the morning. Praying for you, and I love you all.

Shorty Got Low, Low, Low, Low, Low, Low, Low, Low.

It's here! Yes ladies and gents! an all time low! and I'm not talking about the band.

I'm talking about life. I'm exhausted from the past two weeks of 14 hour days. I'm not excited at all for school to start or to meet new people.

I'm trying to prepare myself for a lot of things, without God's help..and it's not working. Go figure.

I feel useless. Feelings don't account for much anymore really, with the exception of self-pity blog entries such as this one. Let the whining commence.

I feel like I've been running a marathon with school, friends, family, work, and it's all for nothing. When I graduate, I'm going to be in a ton of debt, with no job, no husband, and just me myself and I to somehow make that work. I need God more than ever. I'm preparing myself to leave everything I have known behind and to start over, yet again. It's hard, but it needs to happen. The sad thing about all that is I have no one to back me up. No one I look up to anyway. My parents have been telling me not to get married right after school and to travel and do something for myself. WHEN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE THE MONEY FOR THAT. I honestly don't think they know how much debt I will have to pay back after I graduate and how little I'm going to be making. I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but at first, it's not going to pay the bills. I'm going to have to live at home and work some shit job until I can find a real one, and even then Drew is still 700 miles away. I really am preparing myself for an entire life change. I've been doing something for myself for four years now. It's getting old and fruitless.

I need to let God drive and see what happens. It's hard, but "the end will justify the pain it took to get us there." (in the words of Relient K)

If you read this, please pray for me. Or come talk to me. I really would like that.

A Gavel Falls on Marriage: The Proposition 8 Decision

A Gavel Falls on Marriage: The Proposition 8 Decision

They say we've re-defined marriage over time? Try the ruling of one Judge in one court case. (That still, fortunately, must be appealed)

As soon as we let ourselves (mankind) define something that God defines, we lose what it means to be human, becoming more and more relient on ourselves for widsom and understanding in life.

You can't take the designer out of the design. It just doesn't work. I'm not even using the Bible here, it just lines up with reality. If you are ready to start a creative project at work, the project will fall apart after it is started or even cease to exist without the initial concept, or a designer. They come up with the idea so you can execute it according to their plan. Take this to a large scale, such as this court case, and the results will be catastrophic.

One man, sinful as all the rest of us on earth, took God's design and said, "this hurts others". It may seem like a righteous and moral thing to do to stick up for other people and their longings and hurts, but if there's one thing that Christianity does not do it's please everybody. It's not some happy, feel good, find your way, emotional sespool that people dive into when they feel they need a purpose in life. It convicts, tears down, builds up, rebukes, and changes the very fabric of life. It applies to all areas of life, not just the ones we see fit.

Each "finding" that Judge stated is charcterized by a political correctness, and more broadly a secular view of truth. What's true for that Judge isn't true for me. That's secular truth. What about the stuff that lines up with reality? Like, a Penis fits inside of a vagina and that STD's are almost non-existant in healthy, monogamous, marriages. The fact that no society has been able to sustain itself with a smorgasbord mentality to family life - pick what appeals to you and all choices are equally good. The fact that the two sexes are different to the core and each is necessary for the optimal development of a child. There are studies done on ALL of those facts. The statistics are overwhelming, and those are just a few.

but we ignore those statistics saying that they are bias, harmful, and discriminatory. Since when was reality discriminatory?

We have now re-defined marriage, which means family is re-defined as well. If we lose family, society will crumble.

This is why re-definition is so dangerous, and the reason why I'm so passionate about it. It all comes down to re-definition.

It's all so simple, and yet so hard to understand.