It's here! Yes ladies and gents! an all time low! and I'm not talking about the band.
I'm talking about life. I'm exhausted from the past two weeks of 14 hour days. I'm not excited at all for school to start or to meet new people.
I'm trying to prepare myself for a lot of things, without God's help..and it's not working. Go figure.
I feel useless. Feelings don't account for much anymore really, with the exception of self-pity blog entries such as this one. Let the whining commence.
I feel like I've been running a marathon with school, friends, family, work, and it's all for nothing. When I graduate, I'm going to be in a ton of debt, with no job, no husband, and just me myself and I to somehow make that work. I need God more than ever. I'm preparing myself to leave everything I have known behind and to start over, yet again. It's hard, but it needs to happen. The sad thing about all that is I have no one to back me up. No one I look up to anyway. My parents have been telling me not to get married right after school and to travel and do something for myself. WHEN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE THE MONEY FOR THAT. I honestly don't think they know how much debt I will have to pay back after I graduate and how little I'm going to be making. I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but at first, it's not going to pay the bills. I'm going to have to live at home and work some shit job until I can find a real one, and even then Drew is still 700 miles away. I really am preparing myself for an entire life change. I've been doing something for myself for four years now. It's getting old and fruitless.
I need to let God drive and see what happens. It's hard, but "the end will justify the pain it took to get us there." (in the words of Relient K)
If you read this, please pray for me. Or come talk to me. I really would like that.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
A Gavel Falls on Marriage: The Proposition 8 Decision
A Gavel Falls on Marriage: The Proposition 8 Decision
They say we've re-defined marriage over time? Try the ruling of one Judge in one court case. (That still, fortunately, must be appealed)
As soon as we let ourselves (mankind) define something that God defines, we lose what it means to be human, becoming more and more relient on ourselves for widsom and understanding in life.
You can't take the designer out of the design. It just doesn't work. I'm not even using the Bible here, it just lines up with reality. If you are ready to start a creative project at work, the project will fall apart after it is started or even cease to exist without the initial concept, or a designer. They come up with the idea so you can execute it according to their plan. Take this to a large scale, such as this court case, and the results will be catastrophic.
One man, sinful as all the rest of us on earth, took God's design and said, "this hurts others". It may seem like a righteous and moral thing to do to stick up for other people and their longings and hurts, but if there's one thing that Christianity does not do it's please everybody. It's not some happy, feel good, find your way, emotional sespool that people dive into when they feel they need a purpose in life. It convicts, tears down, builds up, rebukes, and changes the very fabric of life. It applies to all areas of life, not just the ones we see fit.
Each "finding" that Judge stated is charcterized by a political correctness, and more broadly a secular view of truth. What's true for that Judge isn't true for me. That's secular truth. What about the stuff that lines up with reality? Like, a Penis fits inside of a vagina and that STD's are almost non-existant in healthy, monogamous, marriages. The fact that no society has been able to sustain itself with a smorgasbord mentality to family life - pick what appeals to you and all choices are equally good. The fact that the two sexes are different to the core and each is necessary for the optimal development of a child. There are studies done on ALL of those facts. The statistics are overwhelming, and those are just a few.
but we ignore those statistics saying that they are bias, harmful, and discriminatory. Since when was reality discriminatory?
We have now re-defined marriage, which means family is re-defined as well. If we lose family, society will crumble.
This is why re-definition is so dangerous, and the reason why I'm so passionate about it. It all comes down to re-definition.
It's all so simple, and yet so hard to understand.
They say we've re-defined marriage over time? Try the ruling of one Judge in one court case. (That still, fortunately, must be appealed)
As soon as we let ourselves (mankind) define something that God defines, we lose what it means to be human, becoming more and more relient on ourselves for widsom and understanding in life.
You can't take the designer out of the design. It just doesn't work. I'm not even using the Bible here, it just lines up with reality. If you are ready to start a creative project at work, the project will fall apart after it is started or even cease to exist without the initial concept, or a designer. They come up with the idea so you can execute it according to their plan. Take this to a large scale, such as this court case, and the results will be catastrophic.
One man, sinful as all the rest of us on earth, took God's design and said, "this hurts others". It may seem like a righteous and moral thing to do to stick up for other people and their longings and hurts, but if there's one thing that Christianity does not do it's please everybody. It's not some happy, feel good, find your way, emotional sespool that people dive into when they feel they need a purpose in life. It convicts, tears down, builds up, rebukes, and changes the very fabric of life. It applies to all areas of life, not just the ones we see fit.
Each "finding" that Judge stated is charcterized by a political correctness, and more broadly a secular view of truth. What's true for that Judge isn't true for me. That's secular truth. What about the stuff that lines up with reality? Like, a Penis fits inside of a vagina and that STD's are almost non-existant in healthy, monogamous, marriages. The fact that no society has been able to sustain itself with a smorgasbord mentality to family life - pick what appeals to you and all choices are equally good. The fact that the two sexes are different to the core and each is necessary for the optimal development of a child. There are studies done on ALL of those facts. The statistics are overwhelming, and those are just a few.
but we ignore those statistics saying that they are bias, harmful, and discriminatory. Since when was reality discriminatory?
We have now re-defined marriage, which means family is re-defined as well. If we lose family, society will crumble.
This is why re-definition is so dangerous, and the reason why I'm so passionate about it. It all comes down to re-definition.
It's all so simple, and yet so hard to understand.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sinking Sand.
I am not quite sure how I feel at the moment, and I'm not okay with that. So, bare with me as I attempt to...
make no sense at all.
I like to have have a grasp on things and right now I feel like I don't. Things keep slipping, I keep slipping. I'm sinking deeper and deeper into myself.
Everytime I think I'm getting life right, God smacks my tray full of delicious homemade food that I spent hours cooking into the air...and then it crashes to the ground.
This happens often, and yet I still can't see it coming and prepare myself for it.
Or should I?
I need to stop lying to myself. I am nothing. I can't change anyone or anything until I change myself. If I'm living right, and loving right...what else is there?
I've thought I could be "super Sam" and run a marathon, when I haven't even trained for it. I haven't been relying on God, I haven't been renewing my mind, I haven't been really doing much of anything except trying to prove to myself that I can do this "Christian" thing.
I've been broken, again. I don't want to be this little blob of insecurities, complaints and grievances anymore. The world owes me absolutely nothing. God owes me absolutely nothing. I know this, yet I can't live this. I've been battling the culture, when I haven't even battled the bad stuff that's inside of me first.
I need to fill up with God, breathe scripture, stop judging everyone and everything around me, be thankful, love always, and live as God intended.
All this brokenness further proves to me that no man, no matter how spiritual he may be, can make it without Jesus. There's always a hammer that cracks and resounds through everyone's soul. Some push him away because he convicts, others embrace him and live for him, and some attempt to bargain with him. I'm the bargainer. Once I understood what truth was, I set out trying to get other people to see it, instead of taking the fruits of that realization to change myself. I really don't understand what love is. I have been humbled by the fact that I don't know the first thing about being a Christian. I can't build myself up, only God can do that. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. I need to be still, and just shut up. It's not my life anymore.
<3
make no sense at all.
***
I like to have have a grasp on things and right now I feel like I don't. Things keep slipping, I keep slipping. I'm sinking deeper and deeper into myself.
Everytime I think I'm getting life right, God smacks my tray full of delicious homemade food that I spent hours cooking into the air...and then it crashes to the ground.
This happens often, and yet I still can't see it coming and prepare myself for it.
Or should I?
I need to stop lying to myself. I am nothing. I can't change anyone or anything until I change myself. If I'm living right, and loving right...what else is there?
I've thought I could be "super Sam" and run a marathon, when I haven't even trained for it. I haven't been relying on God, I haven't been renewing my mind, I haven't been really doing much of anything except trying to prove to myself that I can do this "Christian" thing.
I've been broken, again. I don't want to be this little blob of insecurities, complaints and grievances anymore. The world owes me absolutely nothing. God owes me absolutely nothing. I know this, yet I can't live this. I've been battling the culture, when I haven't even battled the bad stuff that's inside of me first.
I need to fill up with God, breathe scripture, stop judging everyone and everything around me, be thankful, love always, and live as God intended.
All this brokenness further proves to me that no man, no matter how spiritual he may be, can make it without Jesus. There's always a hammer that cracks and resounds through everyone's soul. Some push him away because he convicts, others embrace him and live for him, and some attempt to bargain with him. I'm the bargainer. Once I understood what truth was, I set out trying to get other people to see it, instead of taking the fruits of that realization to change myself. I really don't understand what love is. I have been humbled by the fact that I don't know the first thing about being a Christian. I can't build myself up, only God can do that. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. I need to be still, and just shut up. It's not my life anymore.
<3
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